Over the past few days my thoughts have continually kept returning to my previous relationship.

It was a doozy, lasted five years, (I wrote about the break-up in my last post)and it has been a year now since we broke up.

I still miss him terribly as a friend, the walks we would have, eating ice-cream together, going to a play or a movie. I remember the good times, and I think, perhaps I'm just at a point now where these are the times I am going to choose to remember most prominently.

For five years he was a large focus of my life, and I wonder what he is doing now, is he well and happy, has he found someone else?

I would dearly love to know if he has found someone, because to be honest, it would make things easier for myself. To know that he has been able to let go and move on.

We haven't spoken in months, and I doubt he will contact me again. As much as I would like to contact him, I'm scared to do so in case I bring back the anger in him/and/or/the sadness.

Last week I jumped on the internet and did a little searching to see if he had a new webpage or if I could find any info on him. I knew certain places to look, but they were fairly unhelpful. I went into his regular irc haunt. He was there, but only idling, and I didn't stay for long in case somehow (unrealistic but hey, it was a fear) he figured out it was me.

Is it normal to worry and feel so curious about an ex? Or is this just an extension of years of worrying for this man? I don't know.

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